comments

Now that I’m writing for The Dispatch, I’m re-acquainting myself with what it’s like to have comments on my posts. I learned the Iron Laws of the Comments Section many years ago, and only need to refresh myself. In a general-interest publication — as opposed to a personal blog, where people behave somewhat differently — these are the Laws:

98% of those who read your post do not comment on it.

90% of those who comment do not read your post at all: maybe the title reminded them of something they want to say on a related or semi-related subject, or maybe they’re just hanging out with other people who comment and you have nothing to do with the occasion. In this group are also the If-I-had-been-asked-to-write-on-this-subject-I-woulda-said commenters.

6% of those who comment read part of your post and then are struck or offended by something and simply have to comment immediately, without waiting to see if you have anticipated their response, without even waiting to see whether that paragraph that says “On the one hand” is succeeded by a paragraph saying “On the other hand.” These are the people who say that they are surprised or disappointed that you failed to make a point that in fact you did make: they just didn’t read far enough to see it.

3% of those who comment have read the post but don’t understand it. This may be their fault for reading carelessly or your fault for writing unclearly — but who am I kidding? Come on. It’s their fault.

1% pf those who comment are trolls.

Those who have read and understood the post, whether they agree with it or not, will email you if they have something to say.