in which some podcasts describe themselves honestly

The Message: Our story is pretty incoherent, but we know you’ll forgive us because we have, in choosing our characters, ticked every possible box of gender, sexual orientation, and ethnicity (but the smartest and bravest one is the white guy, don’t forget that).

The Memory Palace: This is a podcast for people who love history, as long as by “loving history” you mean looking for people in the past who anticipate all of our most progressive values, so we can praise them while denigrating everyone who did not see the universe precisely as we do.

The Hidden Brain: Today we’re going to share with you some absolutely fascinating, amazing, brilliant research about the human brain that will be retracted in a few weeks, but you’ll never hear that from us.

Gin and Innovation: We talk to some really interesting people, but if you want to hear those interesting people you’re going to have to spend at least ten minutes listening to us ramble incoherently about the weather, how we’re feeling, and what we’re drinking (and don’t expect any editing, either).

TLDR: We don’t do stories about anyone we can’t feel really virtuous for sneering at.

Welcome to Night Vale: You people liked the jokes and riffs we did in the first two episodes so much that we just kept doing them for the next 75.

Benjamen Walker’s Theory of Everything: If you can’t tell how charmingly quirky I am by seeing how I spell my first name, just listen to my unbelievable caricature of a hipster voice for ten seconds, if you can bear it for that long.